this so called project...

so ive been having a few conversations with colleagues and friends about this so called "project" of the bronx guild. This word "project" keeps coming up to describe the work endeavor we are undertaking each day but i dont know if this is appropriate. I feel like a project is something that has a specific goal in mind at the end. something with a tangible and quantifiable end. but the goal of this endeavor is hazy in my mind. what do i want to get out of this experience? what do i want my kids to get out of this experience? this is not some closed ended "project" but an onging struggle. these questions are important and immenent in my mind because they seem to be at the core of what is driving my practice. like for real. like how much time will i devote to mini-lessons and how much will i devote to discussion circles. ive been thinking about how knowledge is transfered and created and what is considered legitamate. not just in terms of what the regents will measure but even in how the students and myself feel like they are "learning something". Noel and many other crew leaders have told me that for a while kids my say they arent learning anything and so ive been doing the mini lesson thing so that they can feel a little bit "satisfied" but i wonder how much this is really doing them a service. sometimes i feel conflicted about what i want them to know, what the state wants them to know and what they want themselves to know. i think we all start with this talk about options and choices at the end of four years of high school. so we get the regents prep and sats in there a little bit so they can have those choices for college and what not. then i think about them making their own options and choices in a system that tells them most of the time to just choose from the current options and that is enought. in order for any person to make new options for themselves i think requires imagination and confidence. so how what kinda prep books or materials are made for that? humm? lol so im tryin to give them love and listen and have them learn to listen and give love back as the basis for the confidence. but how do you encourage kids to open their imagination and dream new dreams. ive started with trying to expose them to new things (like art and that stuff) and have conversations about mental slavery. they dig it. but weve been puttering along on that road for a bit because the direction is lacking. we have to make up the direction and create the road by walking it together. or something like that. i heard that somewhere and it sounded real dope. that leads us to the third tension in this "project". what the kids want to know. my instinct says they are too young and inexperienced to seriously contriubute to their own curriculum and really have a sense of what they want to learn more about. and as i write this down i think "ye of little faith"....or "me of little faith". i need to put more trust in my kids that they can be self directed and that their projects will dig deep and push them to new heights. they know their struggle. i just feel like im trying to help them find the words to name it and the courgae to fight it.
.....
i feel like i have swam a little to far out to sea just now in these thought and need to come back (a common expression of mine you will all here me say at some point)..... i think i need to take a breather/pause and let these ideas rest till i can speak on them more coherently in a later blog.
peace,
a$